The story of how God called us to adopt Ellie

Just a Mission Trip?
In April of 2007 I was asked to help lead a trip to China. We would be working in two different facilities: a foster home in Beijing run by a lovely English/Australian couple who help little ones who will die in orphanages if they do not receive medical attention; the other a state run orphanage in Luoyang, China. Since I had spent time in China several years ago, adopting Keeli, the whole idea of this trip was extremely appealing to me. I said yes and decided to take Alex with me. She too has a huge heart for orphans and for China. I was not concerned at all about being with babies/toddlers while in these facilities. You see, I thought we were through adopting, and I knew that I was "over babies". I had "gone backwards" in this whole child rearing thing several times already and I was definitely through with that. Before David was born we thought we were finished having kids, with the exception of at least pondering an adoption some day. And after David was born, well.....we began spending more and more time with couples who had adopted and you all know what God did in our lives. Her name is Keeli. So, I have been out of the "baby/toddler" stage several times only to have God change our lives. Am I grateful.....you better believe it! I just have no desire to "go backwards" again and I pray that God feels the same way. What I did not see coming....was how God would use Alex and her love for the older kids in the orphanage to bring another little one into our family.

The Mission trip was "more extreme" than either Alex or I could have imagined. It was so much fun (we loved all of the people on our trip; everyone had such a good time just being together; there was a lot of laughter amongst our group; God blessed us as a group!), yet it was so hard (it was hard to see so many kids without a family; it was hard to play with the older kids in Luoyang for 4 days and know that you would leave and probably never see them again; it was hard to realize that not many people are willing to adopt an older child, that the orphanage would be their home forever; it was hard to see the babies and realize that some of them, maybe many of them would not make it, many of the kids in this orphanage have special needs; and on another level it was hard to watch the nannies knowing that they were doing all that they could for all of the kids and us not act as if we could somehow do things differently or even better.) At Hope Foster Home, we mainly just played with toddlers. Most of the kids that they have come in as babies, have medical procedures done and these little ones usually only go back to the orphanage for a short period of time before they go home with a forever family. The facility is much like one you would expect to see here in the states. And there are only two babies/toddlers assigned to each nanny. So these kids are getting excellent care. In Luoyang, things are a lot different. This orphanage is state run. The director seems to be a pretty incredible person who loves the kids and has their best interest at heart. However, there are only so many things that he can do. Like all gov't facilities in any country, everything has to be approved by many people and all monies have to be shared by many facilities. And like here in the states it is hard to keep employees. As a result there are not nearly enough nannies to care for all the kids. While in the orphanage ...I spent a lot of time with the babies. They need to be held, to be fed, and for someone to fixate on their eyes and smile. Oh how we all take "touch" for granted. Alex spent a lot of time playing with and talking to the older kids, the girls in particular. It is amazing to watch kids communicate with each other without speaking the same language. When you are in this type of facility, you have a choice; you can either deny that their is anything hard going on around you and just put a smile on your face (but yet not really experience the trip) or you ca n really engage with all that is going on, feel everything, and try to not just break down in tears while in front of the kids and nannies. Alex and I both chose the latter. And it was so hard every night to somehow decompress all of the emotions of the day. Alex, at a mere 15, was amazing. She saw so many really hard things. Many nights she went to bed in tears. BUT every day she played with the kids like she had known them all her life, like she would be spending the next years together, not days. Our time in the orphanage came to an end. The hardest day of the trip was leaving Luoyang and going back to Beijing. Would we ever see those sweet faces again? In many ways the trip ended too soon.

So as you can tell, the trip was not "just a mission trip". God was doing some amazing work in our daughters heart. Mine too!

Tears, prayers, and questions
Alex had been praying for these little girls for a few weeks when I noticed that not four pictures where above her bed, but only one picture. The other pictures of girls in the orphanage had moved to another place in her room. The only picture that she saw morning and night as she closed her eyes for sleep and awoke the next morning was, yes, the picture of the little girl with the facial deformity.

Back to the trip....on the last night in Luoyang, Director Pei took our team to dinner to say "Thank You" for all we had done in the orphanage. While at dinner he presented Terri with a list of about 50 names of kids (in Chinese) whose paperwork was being processed and would be going to CCAA. These 50 kids were getting the opportunity to be adopted. We also knew that the majority of these kids were special needs kids and older kids, along with some healthy infants. That was indeed a gift to us! You see...these trips are about loving the kids and nannies in the orphanages and a bout understanding more of the Chinese process of adopting so that more and more little ones find a loving home.

One day in the early fall I was waiting on Alex to return from her drum lesson and her cell phone buzzed. She had an incoming text. As all responsible parents do from time to time, I read her text. It was from a dear friend of ours, a 20 year old young lady who loves Alex very well. The text simply read,"I am sorry you couldn't sleep. Just keep praying." Now what mom just leaves that one alone. So yes, I continued to read a couple of past posts. You see, Alex was not only praying for Dang XiaoWang but she was staying up late at night crying as well. When I asked her about all of this. Her response was very tender. "Who is going to love and care for her like you love and care for me?" Who is going to tuck her in bed at night and give her a kiss?" My first response was a teary, WOW. A few days later a bit of parent reality set in. I had another conversation with Ale x and began to give her all the reasons why we should not adopt again. You know the usual: "I am too old; I am too tired; our house is too small; etc..." But none the less, I told Alex to "just pray, God knows whether or not she will have a family."

At this point my wheels begin to spin, "God what are you doing?" I began to wrestle with God, you know, giving Him all the reasons why we should not adopt again. Don't you know He finds this type of conversation humorous. I knew that He was preparing me for something, BUT adopting again? And then I switched into the gear of...how could we adopt her? I had no idea if her paperwork was for sure one of the ones on Director Pei's list and if it was, would it come to the US (it could go to Europe or Australia). Even if her paperwork comes to the US, how will I know what agency has it? Even if I know what agency has her paperwork, we are not guaranteed that the agency would match our family with her. I began to pray for our family, for XiaoWang, and especially that my husband would "hear and not just react" when I told him that his daughter was crying and praying for her and that God had begun to move in my heart as well. He knows what happens when kids pray.

Ray's response was not much different than I expected. He resisted the idea, just as I had done, telling Alex and I all the reasons not to adopt and questioning if God was in this. Of course this went over real well with our teenager. What teenager wants to listen to reason, especially when she knows that she is right? So we went through a week or so of Dad and daughter both "being right". Alex and I continued to have really good conversations about the possibilities of another adoption. I had given her permission to continue praying, but told her that GOD had to drop the paperwork in our laps. I was not going to try to find the paperwork. "This has to be HIS plan for our family".

God continued to soften Ray's heart to the idea of adopting again. He was in that crazy place of "I hear you God" and "You want our family to do What?"

Don't come home with another child...
Before Alex and I went on our mission trip to China, Ray gave us a few instructions.
"Don't come home with another child unless..... God speaks audibly to you AND He gives the child an American name!" Alex and I heard what he was saying and laughed about it all the way to China, never thinking that God would fulfill these fleeces.

While we were in China, God really never spoke to Alex or I audibly. At times we both thought perhaps He was, but the kids were just way too cute, we were a bit attached. But it was all in our heads, not God speaking audibly. YET!
Alex and I did know that God was up to something. You can't go on a mission trip and come back not changed! Neither of us had any idea what was about to happen.

At the end of July, we had been home about 6 weeks, Alex and I had told China stories and showed China pictures so many times that these sweet faces were becoming more and more ingrained in our minds and etched in our hearts. You know, it is funny how a story is real the first time you experience it, but it becomes even more vivid and actually seems even more real when you tell that same story time and time again. Thank you Father, for in this funny little thing about stories, You ingrain in our minds and etch on our hearts the truths and details of life that You want us to remember. Anyway...I kept coming back to the picture of a little girl with a facial deformity that we had seen in the theatre performance in the orphanage. She was such a cute one...her smile was infectious. She looked to be about 5 or 6 years old, she had only one nostril, and it looked like she may have been blind in her left eye. But when she performed, she was so full of life! There was something about this little girl that I could not put my finger on. I kept going back to her picture, wondering what God was doing with this beautiful child. Would she ever have a home or would she grow up in the orphanage?

Alex, on the other hand, had pictures of several little girls from the orphanage posted above her bed so every time she went to sleep and woke up she saw their faces. I had seen these pictures above her bed and thought, " how sweet, she is praying for these little ones, surely God will use a child's prayers and find these girls a home". I had NO idea what I was saying!

There was also another incident that happened in China that is very much a part of the story (but I had no idea at the time). Terri and I had the privilege to sit with Director Pei and ask questions about the kids, the orphanage, how we may be able to help, and likewise he asked questions of us about various things. One particular question he asked of us was, "why do not many Americans want to adopt the special need kids?" Okay that was a hard but fair question.
But then he went on to speak of one little girl who has a facial deformity. He had submitted her paperwork four different times and no family had agreed to adopt her. Out of my mouth ca me, "please submit her paperwork again, someone will adopt this little girl." Again, I had no idea what I was saying. But in that moment, I knew that someone would adopt her. He needed the encouragement to submit her paperwork again. (Normal would be for a child's paperwork to be submitted two maybe three times but never four times. And we had just asked him to try yet again.) Like I said before, Director Pei really does care about the kids in his care. He wants all of them to have a family, even those who are deemed not normal.

So on our trip God did not speak audibly or give an American name. But you can't put God in a box, he can speak audibly whenever he wants. Right?



All in a Name
I called a friend, who seems to be able to find anything related to Chinese adoptions, and asked her if she thought their was anyway to find out about the medical condition of XiaoWang. At this point I did know that her name was XiaoWang and that her paperwork had been re-submitted. So I was hopeful that we could get even a little information about her medical condition. What I did not realize at the time was, in finding this information, I would know what agency her paperwork actually went to.

Ray was still questioning whether GOD was calling us to adopt. "I gave you a couple of fleeces before you went to China and HE has not fulfilled those." (You remember those two fleeces: God speaking audibly and an American name.) Quite frustrated, I said, "Her name is XiaoWang, and as far as an American name, you would've hit the ceiling if Alex and I had given her an American name." Later that morning God prompted me to look up her Chinese name (I did have the Chinese characters). To my amazement XIAO (using the Chinese character given to her) means TO KNOW or TO TELL. Wang (again using the character) means HOPE. With her infectious smile, what an appropriate name: to know or tell of hope (or something really close to that).
Alex and Ray were equally as amazed. Was God beginning to give Ray the answers that he needed to even begin to think we were supposed to adopt XiaoWang?

The NAMING story continues. Ray has this bizarre thing about names and cadence. The syllables in a full name should be a multiple of the number of syllables in a last name. Mullican has 3 syllables therefore all of our kids names have 6 or 9 total syllables. If we were to adopt XiaoWang (2 syllables), she would need an American name with 4 syllables to fit Ray's name formula. Yes it is a bit crazy but that is what we do. We would obviously keep XiaoWang, so I google- girl's names 4 syllables. I go to a site that has a list of names (NO meanings). I perused through the list and jotted down 12 or 13 names. I showed the list to Alex and told her to look them over and give me your top name and I would do the same. Within about 2 or 3 minutes we had both come up with ELLIANA. Again, we were shocked that we came up with the same name, and I included no "strange names" only names that I thought Ray may agree with. "Mom, what does Elliana mean?" Okay now we are getting to the second fleece! ELLIANA is a Hebrew name which means: THE LORD HAS SPOKEN! Wow!!! Two fleeces answered and all in a name. God does speak to us in many ways!

Ray's response..." (silence) ,that made my eyes tear up. I guess God has spoken." Alex was thrilled, to say the least, that her dad was at least openly pondering the adoption. And did I say that Alex never once demanded in any way that we adopt XiaoWang. She only questioned who would love this little girl.

About two weeks later (mid October), I received a call from my friend, "Her paperwork has been found. I have already talked to the agency who has it. They are expecting your call."

All a coincidence...I think not!!

all in a file...
After learning that XiaoWang's paperwork had been found, I had to call Ray. He knew that I was trying to get medical info on her, but like me, he had no idea that we would find her actual paperwork. And to find it at an agency that has a regional office in Brentwood. Who would've thought the paperwork would be dropped literally in our laps. Okay, my friend does seem to have a knack for finding paperwork BUT GOD put the paperwork in our hands!!! With Ray's blessings I made the call to Children's Hope International in St. Louis (the main office handles all of the special needs files). The china special need consultant was expecting my call. She was so incredibly kind and helpful. Her first question was: "So where are you and your family in the process of a special needs adoption?" I took a deep breath and gave her a brief history of how we knew about XiaoWang. I then told her that we were not interested in adopting any child, God had laid it on our hearts to adopt THIS child. Her reply: "I believe we can help you!" I was so excited yet so scared all at the same time!!!! We had to fill out an application via the internet so that we could have access to pictures and a very brief description of her, and send in the initial agency fee. THEN we had to wait 4 days to see her medical and growth file. During this 4 day wait, any family working with CHI and wanting to adopt a special needs child could see the photo listing of waiting children and put in a request to see the file of any of these kids. So that 4 day wait was hard. Someone else could've potentially received her file instead of us. On Monday October 22 we received the call from CHI that we had been selected to review XiaoWang's file.
We were actually in Washington DC on a fall trip with the kids. The agency emailed the file to us.

What we know about XiaoWang-
She was abandoned at approximately 6 months old. Her birthday was believed to be October 1, 1999. She has only one nostril and a single nasal cavity; her left eye is underdeveloped and most likely without sight. All other organs, limbs, etc...are normal as is physical and mental development. She attends school in the little sister program of Half the Sky. She is very smart; loves to sing and dance; performs in the orphanage dance troupe and is "good as pie".

The only thing we really learned that was new information is that she is 8 years old! We had thought that she was about 6 (mainly because we had only seen her with the preschool kids in the orphanage.) What we have since realized is that the director was protecting her from ridicule by having her go to school in the orphanage instead of at the local public school. " Eight not six....that's okay; we can do that; perhaps that will be better that she is a little older than Keeli. God knows what He is doing!" It was really good to have the family together for a week without school/work disruptions. It gave us the time to send Ellie's medical info to friends/doctors to help us understand what she needed as far as treatment.

So what's so big about a file. I really don't know. It is not like we were going to say NO at this point! God had already made it clear that we were to adopt Ellie. I guess we just needed more reassurance that we could handle all of her medical needs. As you already know, we said a resounding yes to adopting Ellie!



***** We flew to China on Sept 5 and were united with Ellie on Monday Sept 8th. We are home; all are adjusting well...you can go to www.ellianasjourney.blogspot.com to see how we are doing and what Ellie is up to. *****